G-DAY: Backstage (Part 2)

10.25AM
Okay, great made it. I've got a seat number on my ticket.. Obviously I'm smack bang in the middle of the row so shuffle down past my fellow on-time promptly seated graduates with a constant 'sorry... sorry.. sorry..'

10.30
*half screechy half melodic wedding-esque sound* An organ? Really? Where on earth did they pluck that from? Oh god are we supposed to stand?! I just took off my shoes I was getting comfy!


10.31
A procession of mushroom-hat and gown wearing old guys arrive. Or so I hear. Being 5ft2 means your ticket to the ceremony of life only comes available in 'limited view' option.

10.35
Vice Chancellor making a speech

10.40
Still making a speech. Ooh video time!

10.45
Not really sure why we're watching a video of how amazing Loughborough is. Very similar to the videos they showed at open day five years ago. Jeez talk about oversell.. I already bought it didn't I!?

10.50
We're off! The front row is being lead to the side of the stage. Oh god I'm only 4 rows back.

Beginning to regret wearing THESE...

10.51
First person is poised ready to collect. My heart goes out to them, they have no one to copy or follow the poor thing. OH MY GOD ARE WE CLAPPING FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE! Right I'm rationing my claps. Sorry Jessica Brown, my praise has already been allocated to Joe Cross.

10.55
Oh god it's my row. Dear Universe, I promise to only ever use my Psychology knowledge for good if you make it so that I don't fall over during this.

10.58
I'M NEXT AAAH.
"Rebecca Cutbill"
Oh my god I got whooped! Thank you fans! I'd like to thank my Mum, and my Dad, and...

11.00
I made it! Back safely in my seat, certificate in hand, dignity in tact. Just two and a half more pages of names to go..

11.15

So much respect for the guy reading the list. I never realised quite how.. Erm.. Cosmopolitan Loughborough was and he manages to nail even the most awkward Chinese names everytime.


11.30
Ah the old guy in fancy gold robes is talking about something inspirational, it must be nearly over. Good, it's getting warm in here.

11.40
Organs going again. It's definitely over. All the old guys in fancy robes walking INCREDIBLY slowly down the stairs. Oh now it's us - we have to do it single file procession style? You mean we can't run out, clicking our heels Billy Elliot style? How disappointing.

11.45
We're out! We're graduates! Let's take loads of photos! Now where did I leave those parents of mine?

G-DAY: Backstage (Part 1.)

So you've been inundated with photos (GUILTYYYYYYY! Sorry about that..) of your friends graduating this weekend. It's all smiles and sun and celebrations on your timeline but here's how it all really happens on the day...

6AM.

We're up. The early bird catches the worm; and I'm in the shower first.

6.30AM

Armed with a  bucket full of tea in one hand, curlers in the other, I am an unstoppable early morning getting ready FORCE. LET'S DO THIS!

7.00AM

Burn myself fairly seriously on my back with the curlers. Yep, that's blistering, brilliant. Holding ice wrapped in kitchen towel on my back with one hand, mascara on the other I again begin to channel the Unstoppable Force.

7.30AM

Sister has decided that after 5 outfit changes, the first thing she tried on will do. About to leave the house, Mum discovers a tiny dark mark on cream dress.. followed by sister pointing out huge tea stain on cream dress. Cue outfit change. 

We're off!

8.00AM 

Hit first traffic jam.

8.30AM

Cleared traffic jam.

8.35AM

Another traffic jam. Start to receive texts from much better organised friends saying they've arrived.

9.30AM

Arrive, be ushered into a car parking space by some very bored looking 'security' staff with incandescent yellow jackets but faces lacking quite the same levels of luminosity.

9.40AM

Registration. Wrongly thought this would be a solitary desk with a register but is a whole funfair of graduation stands - commemorative shot glass anyone? 

(FYI future grads, get here earlier than I did! This is where you get photos, gowns and everything so best not to rush!)

Collect gown. Too big for me and heavier than they look, ideal for the 30 degree weather. Asked by the guy fitting if I brought some safety pins with me to attach gown. Given I paid £50 rent this ill-fitting abominable personal sauna for a couple of hours, I state that I expect to be provided with safety pins, thank you very much.

10.00AM

SAY CHEESE! Photos that will follow me forever about to be taken, no pressure. Living on the edge a bit as ceremony starts in half an hour in a different building. Try my best to avoid Chandlering at the photographer, and holding head very still as hat is way too big for me and my tiny peahead (apparently they don't do kids sizes, I asked).

Photos with the whole clan before wandering back to the main hall, now deserted, and make our way to building where ceremony will be. We've got ten minutes, so ideally we'd be doing a bit of a powerwalk here but this difficult in 6inch heels whilst trying to remain outwardly as calm as possible before Mother has a stress breakdown.

Part 2 to Follow!

How You Know You're Actually Becoming A Grown Up.

I believe I may be in a quarter-life crisis. In the famous words of Brtiney Spears..

I feel ya Britney. I used to think I had the answers to everything too..

Unfortunately, there's no adult enrolment ceremony so I think we have to make up our own rules. Here's my take on life's secret rites of passage to becoming a grown up.

You greet people with a kiss/handshake.
Is it one cheek? Both cheeks? Handshake? Half hug hand shake? OH MY GOD THEY'RE CENTIMETRES AWAY FROM MY FACE AND I CAN'T DECIDE. What happened to a good old fashioned wave?! I think we should adopt the Japanese bow. No tough on the spot decisions to make - and bonus! less germs.

You go out for a drink.
Not even out out. Just a drink, then bed at a sensible hour.

When you do go out out at home, you see your little sister's ex-boyfriends younger cousins.

And you feel old and gross.

You finally understand your parents despair at lights left on.

It's like bloody Blackpool illuminations here!

You have come in from a long day and thought 'Oh God, I need a drink!"

Seein fings written lyk dis makes u die a lil bit inside.
URRRRGGGHHHH. I'll give you a minute to shake that one off.

You no longer have sugar in your tea.
I still have sugar in my tea (one please) and I cling to this to justify my existence as a non-adult.

And if all this isn't enough to catapult you into a quarter life crisis - remember this GROWN UP shows about GROWN UPS and their GROWN UP problems?


Well you're almost the same age as Rachel (24) when she stumbled into everyone's favourite coffee shop on that fateful day..



Sorry!