Dear 14 Year Old Me...

Am I the only one who feels at least half a decade younger than my passport says?

I used to roll my eyes at the grown ups, complaining how fast time goes and that it's June already.. But seriously guys, IT'S JUNE ALREADY!!!?!

Where did the time go!? (Another classic tell tale line of age)

However, although I may feel like an uber cool teenager, totally down with the kids, if I think about it I really have grown from that hormonal, naive little thing. (Not literally, of course. What a waste of 'you'll grow into it' outfits..)

Here's a few words to Me, circa 2005.

1. Most grown ups don't have a clue what they're doing or what they want to do with their life. They're blagging it, just play along.

2. Don't make too many plans for your future, they never work out. 

3. You have the rest of your life to get too drunk. At least save it til you can afford nicer alcohol than a VK. 

4. Mum and Dad are actually pretty cool people. Seriously. Be nicer.

5.. Typyn lyk diz iz horribl. EUUURRGGHHHH STOOOOOOOPPPP.

6. No matter how many times you etch a name into your schoolbooks, surrounded by a gazillion hearts and 4EVAZ and IDST's.. You are not meant to be. But this is a good thing, trust me. 

7. Jane Norman clothes are not a good look.

 ii)Von Dutch hats are not a good look. 

iii) Having your hair up with one little strand pulled forward is not a good look.

8. Get yourself some interests. 'Watching TV' isn't the ideal filler to the activities part of a CV. Neither is MSN for that matter.

(Although, all those crazy symbols in your msn name that made it impossible to read your deeply profound lyric of choice may be exaggerated into 'excellent IT skills at a later date.)

9. Be careful what you put on Facebook. One day, your entire extended family will be on it (HEY GRANDMA!) so you may want to re-think that outfit choice to next week's social..

ii) I know you don't know what Facebook really is yet, but the sooner you ditch Bebo and get yourself on Facebook, the closer to a trendsetter you become.

10. Being a grown up is kind of the same as being a kid, except you just have to pay for everything. Enjoy your tax-free pocket money

And here's a little treat for you for making it through the whole post.. ENJOY 14 YEAR OLD BECKY!

What would you say to your former self?

brb just gonna go hide as far away from this image as poss.
xxx

Unavoidable Awkward Situations In Life

1. Going the same way as a stranger when you bump into them in the street.

Can we please come up with some universal rule to combat this? EVERYONE GO RIGHT, EVERYTIME.

2. Accidentally liking a Facebook/twitter/Instagram post from several months ago during a  deep deep dive into someone's profile.

Related: When someone discusses something you already know about them from such stalking episodes, and you either reveal your true sad Friday night activities, or overly compensate surprise with the accuracy of a year 7 drama lesson.

3. Hearing people on an early/first date in a quiet public space.

I genuinely heard someone on the tube make the small talk "yeah, there's loads of types of tea isn't there". Yes, yes there is. 

4. Accidentally putting an inappropriate kiss on a text.

CANCEL CANCEL CANCELLLLL! Damn. Well let's hope that reflects well on my End Of Year Appraisal..

5. Watching a perfectly innocent PG-12 film/TV show on and someone walks in during the 30second sex scene.

Usually a parent. Bonus embarassing points for a girlfriend/boyfriends parents.

 

6. Being asked to taste the wine you ordered at a restaurant.

Please don't linger, mr waiter. We all know at this table, that I know nothing about wine. In fact, my selection process for this consisted of a) can I pronounce it and b) can I afford it. Usually means you land on the second cheapest Pinot... Because a) I know how to say it (and it sounds pretty cool to drop the 'Grigio' like a pro) and b) avoiding ordering the absolute least expensive because then I would obviously be a cheapskate. 

7. Being told your flies are undone.

Especially if the last time you went to the bathroom was about four hours ago. Although not as bad as getting home and realising it yourself, then entertaining all the possibilities about how long you've been strolling around that way and how many people noticed.

8. Reacting to an ugly baby/baby name for the first time.

Look at my gorgeous daughter Gertrudella Treacle isn't she precious!? ADORABLEEEEEE what a UNIQUE name.. I'm sure she'll.. grow into all that excess skin and skewed features.. 

9. Someone holding a long line of doors open for you and having to say thanks everytime.

But in a slightly different way just to mix it up. Thanks.. Cheers.. Nice one.. Great, thanks.. It feels like you're walking into some figurative never ending corridor of awkwardness. 

On the topic if awkwardness I thought I'd leave it at 9 as it's a pretty awkward number. It's not even even. 

Nothing to do with the fact I'm running out of universal awkward situations, obviously.

Thanks for reading!

xxx