1. Manners don't apply after 11pm.
Apparently it's completely acceptable to make your order from a barmaid by grunting "TEN JAEGERBOMBS". Takes a lot of inner strength not to reply with "What's the magic word?". Strength slipping rapidly with each rude customer...
2. Girls: More is More.
A girl wearing jeans and some nice shoes looks SO much better than one falling out of a fantasmical glittery ass-skimming nip-slipping number. Seriously. Go invest in a nice pair of jeans girl!
3. Recent anecdotal evidence suggests that if you wave your money over the bar or complain loudly about how long it's taking, you will almost always get served last.
SUCH a strange correlation right? We're doing our best!
4. Straw requests come with an added game of charades.
For some inexplicable reason, when asking for a straw people feel the need to mimic the action of a straw, and speak as if they're behind a glass. 'STTRR'. Yeah I know what a straw is, I work in a bar. But thanks for the clarification!
5. "Twenty Sourz Shots"
This order is surprisingly common. It does not make you big or clever, it makes you more likely to get diabetes than actually drunk*. LADS!
6. Vom-phrodisiac.
Sorry to ruin your own personal Notebook-style love story, but that sofa you've been sucking face on for the past ten minutes? Definitely remnants of vomit on there. And we can see you and your wandering hands. Go home.
7. Money on the floor
Actually, this one is not a complaint. Finding a tenner on the floor while you're doing your 4am sweep almost makes it all worth it. Please keep doing this. Thanks!
*DISCLAIMER: Not my joke, but a personal favourite!
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