Dear 14 Year Old Me...

Am I the only one who feels at least half a decade younger than my passport says?

I used to roll my eyes at the grown ups, complaining how fast time goes and that it's June already.. But seriously guys, IT'S JUNE ALREADY!!!?!

Where did the time go!? (Another classic tell tale line of age)

However, although I may feel like an uber cool teenager, totally down with the kids, if I think about it I really have grown from that hormonal, naive little thing. (Not literally, of course. What a waste of 'you'll grow into it' outfits..)

Here's a few words to Me, circa 2005.

1. Most grown ups don't have a clue what they're doing or what they want to do with their life. They're blagging it, just play along.

2. Don't make too many plans for your future, they never work out. 

3. You have the rest of your life to get too drunk. At least save it til you can afford nicer alcohol than a VK. 

4. Mum and Dad are actually pretty cool people. Seriously. Be nicer.

5.. Typyn lyk diz iz horribl. EUUURRGGHHHH STOOOOOOOPPPP.

6. No matter how many times you etch a name into your schoolbooks, surrounded by a gazillion hearts and 4EVAZ and IDST's.. You are not meant to be. But this is a good thing, trust me. 

7. Jane Norman clothes are not a good look.

 ii)Von Dutch hats are not a good look. 

iii) Having your hair up with one little strand pulled forward is not a good look.

8. Get yourself some interests. 'Watching TV' isn't the ideal filler to the activities part of a CV. Neither is MSN for that matter.

(Although, all those crazy symbols in your msn name that made it impossible to read your deeply profound lyric of choice may be exaggerated into 'excellent IT skills at a later date.)

9. Be careful what you put on Facebook. One day, your entire extended family will be on it (HEY GRANDMA!) so you may want to re-think that outfit choice to next week's social..

ii) I know you don't know what Facebook really is yet, but the sooner you ditch Bebo and get yourself on Facebook, the closer to a trendsetter you become.

10. Being a grown up is kind of the same as being a kid, except you just have to pay for everything. Enjoy your tax-free pocket money

And here's a little treat for you for making it through the whole post.. ENJOY 14 YEAR OLD BECKY!

What would you say to your former self?

brb just gonna go hide as far away from this image as poss.
xxx

Unavoidable Awkward Situations In Life

1. Going the same way as a stranger when you bump into them in the street.

Can we please come up with some universal rule to combat this? EVERYONE GO RIGHT, EVERYTIME.

2. Accidentally liking a Facebook/twitter/Instagram post from several months ago during a  deep deep dive into someone's profile.

Related: When someone discusses something you already know about them from such stalking episodes, and you either reveal your true sad Friday night activities, or overly compensate surprise with the accuracy of a year 7 drama lesson.

3. Hearing people on an early/first date in a quiet public space.

I genuinely heard someone on the tube make the small talk "yeah, there's loads of types of tea isn't there". Yes, yes there is. 

4. Accidentally putting an inappropriate kiss on a text.

CANCEL CANCEL CANCELLLLL! Damn. Well let's hope that reflects well on my End Of Year Appraisal..

5. Watching a perfectly innocent PG-12 film/TV show on and someone walks in during the 30second sex scene.

Usually a parent. Bonus embarassing points for a girlfriend/boyfriends parents.

 

6. Being asked to taste the wine you ordered at a restaurant.

Please don't linger, mr waiter. We all know at this table, that I know nothing about wine. In fact, my selection process for this consisted of a) can I pronounce it and b) can I afford it. Usually means you land on the second cheapest Pinot... Because a) I know how to say it (and it sounds pretty cool to drop the 'Grigio' like a pro) and b) avoiding ordering the absolute least expensive because then I would obviously be a cheapskate. 

7. Being told your flies are undone.

Especially if the last time you went to the bathroom was about four hours ago. Although not as bad as getting home and realising it yourself, then entertaining all the possibilities about how long you've been strolling around that way and how many people noticed.

8. Reacting to an ugly baby/baby name for the first time.

Look at my gorgeous daughter Gertrudella Treacle isn't she precious!? ADORABLEEEEEE what a UNIQUE name.. I'm sure she'll.. grow into all that excess skin and skewed features.. 

9. Someone holding a long line of doors open for you and having to say thanks everytime.

But in a slightly different way just to mix it up. Thanks.. Cheers.. Nice one.. Great, thanks.. It feels like you're walking into some figurative never ending corridor of awkwardness. 

On the topic if awkwardness I thought I'd leave it at 9 as it's a pretty awkward number. It's not even even. 

Nothing to do with the fact I'm running out of universal awkward situations, obviously.

Thanks for reading!

xxx

Secrets of The Beauty Industry

I work for the number one beauty company in the world and thought you'd all like a to know a little gossip from behind the scenes.

1. Yes, I get freebies.

This is one of the first questions I get asked when I say where I work. And yes, freebies are as abundant as you might think &  yes, it's also as wonderful as you'd imagine! I'm literally running out of places to put stuff. I remember begrudgingly handing over money for shampoo about 6 months after my internship finished (and I was back at uni) with a heavy heart. Don't worry though - you'll be pleased to know my stocks are replenished and my hair now always looks bouncy and full of life..  bouncier, anyway.

From random new product desk drops (where everyone in the company gets a product on their desk in the morning) to perfume samples to ridiculous discounts on the internal staff shop, the freebies are undeniably one of the best perks to working backstage in the beauty industry.

2. Honestly..

You should trust us a little bit more! Every single peice of information about a product that we put out there has gone through a rigorous legal procedure to make sure were not deceiving consumers. Seriously, if it says it makes your skin softer IT WILL BLOODY MAKE YOUR SKIN SOFTER! If it says your wrinkles will appear reduced, we can't just make that shizz up. 

You might be interested to know that the UK are also the most strict with these regulations, especially with Photoshop. You should see some of the other countries ads - they've been airbrushed so much they may as well have had an oil painting commissioned. 

3. Frenemies

So, did you know that loads of beauty brands are owned by the same company? You did? Well did you know by "owned" we don't mean there's loads of different companies dotted around the country with a few big dogs in charge somewhere else.. They're all very cosily under one roof. Marketing for Garnier suncare literally sit closer to Maybelline marketing that Garnier haircare, and the team for YSL Beauty regularly go for coffees with Lancôme. Cosy right? 

4. Not so copy-cats

So if you see a product launched by one company, followed by a very similar product launched by a competitor a few months later - they've clearly pinched their idea, right? Probably not. New products take about 18months on average to launch, and that's when the product has been created, tested and finalised!

 It's closer to five years to create a new product from scratch, so actually, seeing a competitor release something similar a few months before is more like seeing someone post all over Facebook wearing that killer outfit you've been saving for a special occasion next week. Bastards.

Finally..

5. Yes, it is because I'm worth it.

And no, I've never heard that one before...

London: The Smog & The Silver Lining

Well, one of my New Year's resolutions is to start blogging again, as I was surprised by the amount of you lovely people who came to me and said they enjoyed it!

So, I've been a little quiet lately. I'm seriously thinking of uploading some more photos to Facebook just so people don't think all I do is stay in binge-watching Netflix.. (which I only do, like, once twice a few times a week..)

But the reason I've been off the radar is that I became A PROPER GROWN UP ADULT. Or at least I'm hoping that I'm really pulling off pretending I am. I've got a full time job, a flat in the city... and I got an actual credit card. Scary.

I LOVE living in London, but everything has its good and bad points.

Here's my lowdown of the smoggier parts of living in london, and the silver lining that comes with it.

SMOG: TOURISTS. Get your selfie stick out of my face.

SILVER LINING: The secret smug feeling you get from eye-rolling/hating on tourists because they're not true Londoners like you..



SMOG: Signal failures. I'm sorry what? There is WIFI in stations now - are you telling me I can see 356 photos of my mother's second cousins new goddaughter whether I like it or not and you can't ask the next station if there's a train there?! Someone introduce TFL to Richard Branson..

SILVER LINING: Okay, forget the moaning. I used to live two miles from the nearest hourly bus stop in my beloved Cheshire and now I can get from ANYWHERE to ANYWHERE at ANYTIME.. pretty much. The novelty hasn't yet worn off. Although I've learnt to control the grinning to myself.





SMOG: People are rude. It's a stereotype but it's true. If you must ask a stranger a question my best advice is to be pretty certain that they are a tourist or recently moved/fresh meat..

SILVER LINING: It's really easy to come across as a really nice person by, like, smiling at someone. Also, if you are in a mood where you don't really want to talk to anyone you are not a bad person in London. In fact, the space-invading perpetrator is the bad guy here everyone will - silently - acknowledge.

SMOG: You've got loads of friends in London right Becky? It'll be super easy to hop on the tube and see them all the time, right? Let's take a moment to consider that London is HUGE. Everything is so spread out. If you live past Canary Wharf, you may as well live in Paris to me.

SILVER LINING: Everything being spread out actually means you get a good chance to see a lot of places around the capital. It would be boring if everyone lived in the same postcode.. even if extremely convenient and significantly reduce my Oyster card spend.

SMOG: A bit of a mixed one.. there's SO much going on, which is in no way smoggy at all. But it's very easy to feel like you've failed at being a true Londoner. If you haven't been at the totally edgy underground asian fusion Tarantino themed cocktail bar in Shoreditch this weekend, what's the point of even being in the city!? Hey, sometimes, you just want to enjoy binge-watching Netflix once twice a few times a week..



SILVER LINING: There are so many amazing apps/websites/blogs just for you, you lovely little London lover! From a good old restaurants and bars, to finding random spontaneous events around last minute, theres an app to seize the crap out of a day in the capital if you want to (and if payday was fairly recent). In fact, the more organised/sad/OCD  amongst us may even have a dedicated folder..

The good far outweighs the bad in the big smoke, and this list clearly doesn't even scratch the surface. 

Here's a few little photos I found on a browse through my camera roll that help explain why I love it! 

G-DAY: Backstage (Part 2)

10.25AM
Okay, great made it. I've got a seat number on my ticket.. Obviously I'm smack bang in the middle of the row so shuffle down past my fellow on-time promptly seated graduates with a constant 'sorry... sorry.. sorry..'

10.30
*half screechy half melodic wedding-esque sound* An organ? Really? Where on earth did they pluck that from? Oh god are we supposed to stand?! I just took off my shoes I was getting comfy!


10.31
A procession of mushroom-hat and gown wearing old guys arrive. Or so I hear. Being 5ft2 means your ticket to the ceremony of life only comes available in 'limited view' option.

10.35
Vice Chancellor making a speech

10.40
Still making a speech. Ooh video time!

10.45
Not really sure why we're watching a video of how amazing Loughborough is. Very similar to the videos they showed at open day five years ago. Jeez talk about oversell.. I already bought it didn't I!?

10.50
We're off! The front row is being lead to the side of the stage. Oh god I'm only 4 rows back.

Beginning to regret wearing THESE...

10.51
First person is poised ready to collect. My heart goes out to them, they have no one to copy or follow the poor thing. OH MY GOD ARE WE CLAPPING FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE! Right I'm rationing my claps. Sorry Jessica Brown, my praise has already been allocated to Joe Cross.

10.55
Oh god it's my row. Dear Universe, I promise to only ever use my Psychology knowledge for good if you make it so that I don't fall over during this.

10.58
I'M NEXT AAAH.
"Rebecca Cutbill"
Oh my god I got whooped! Thank you fans! I'd like to thank my Mum, and my Dad, and...

11.00
I made it! Back safely in my seat, certificate in hand, dignity in tact. Just two and a half more pages of names to go..

11.15

So much respect for the guy reading the list. I never realised quite how.. Erm.. Cosmopolitan Loughborough was and he manages to nail even the most awkward Chinese names everytime.


11.30
Ah the old guy in fancy gold robes is talking about something inspirational, it must be nearly over. Good, it's getting warm in here.

11.40
Organs going again. It's definitely over. All the old guys in fancy robes walking INCREDIBLY slowly down the stairs. Oh now it's us - we have to do it single file procession style? You mean we can't run out, clicking our heels Billy Elliot style? How disappointing.

11.45
We're out! We're graduates! Let's take loads of photos! Now where did I leave those parents of mine?

G-DAY: Backstage (Part 1.)

So you've been inundated with photos (GUILTYYYYYYY! Sorry about that..) of your friends graduating this weekend. It's all smiles and sun and celebrations on your timeline but here's how it all really happens on the day...

6AM.

We're up. The early bird catches the worm; and I'm in the shower first.

6.30AM

Armed with a  bucket full of tea in one hand, curlers in the other, I am an unstoppable early morning getting ready FORCE. LET'S DO THIS!

7.00AM

Burn myself fairly seriously on my back with the curlers. Yep, that's blistering, brilliant. Holding ice wrapped in kitchen towel on my back with one hand, mascara on the other I again begin to channel the Unstoppable Force.

7.30AM

Sister has decided that after 5 outfit changes, the first thing she tried on will do. About to leave the house, Mum discovers a tiny dark mark on cream dress.. followed by sister pointing out huge tea stain on cream dress. Cue outfit change. 

We're off!

8.00AM 

Hit first traffic jam.

8.30AM

Cleared traffic jam.

8.35AM

Another traffic jam. Start to receive texts from much better organised friends saying they've arrived.

9.30AM

Arrive, be ushered into a car parking space by some very bored looking 'security' staff with incandescent yellow jackets but faces lacking quite the same levels of luminosity.

9.40AM

Registration. Wrongly thought this would be a solitary desk with a register but is a whole funfair of graduation stands - commemorative shot glass anyone? 

(FYI future grads, get here earlier than I did! This is where you get photos, gowns and everything so best not to rush!)

Collect gown. Too big for me and heavier than they look, ideal for the 30 degree weather. Asked by the guy fitting if I brought some safety pins with me to attach gown. Given I paid £50 rent this ill-fitting abominable personal sauna for a couple of hours, I state that I expect to be provided with safety pins, thank you very much.

10.00AM

SAY CHEESE! Photos that will follow me forever about to be taken, no pressure. Living on the edge a bit as ceremony starts in half an hour in a different building. Try my best to avoid Chandlering at the photographer, and holding head very still as hat is way too big for me and my tiny peahead (apparently they don't do kids sizes, I asked).

Photos with the whole clan before wandering back to the main hall, now deserted, and make our way to building where ceremony will be. We've got ten minutes, so ideally we'd be doing a bit of a powerwalk here but this difficult in 6inch heels whilst trying to remain outwardly as calm as possible before Mother has a stress breakdown.

Part 2 to Follow!

How You Know You're Actually Becoming A Grown Up.

I believe I may be in a quarter-life crisis. In the famous words of Brtiney Spears..

I feel ya Britney. I used to think I had the answers to everything too..

Unfortunately, there's no adult enrolment ceremony so I think we have to make up our own rules. Here's my take on life's secret rites of passage to becoming a grown up.

You greet people with a kiss/handshake.
Is it one cheek? Both cheeks? Handshake? Half hug hand shake? OH MY GOD THEY'RE CENTIMETRES AWAY FROM MY FACE AND I CAN'T DECIDE. What happened to a good old fashioned wave?! I think we should adopt the Japanese bow. No tough on the spot decisions to make - and bonus! less germs.

You go out for a drink.
Not even out out. Just a drink, then bed at a sensible hour.

When you do go out out at home, you see your little sister's ex-boyfriends younger cousins.

And you feel old and gross.

You finally understand your parents despair at lights left on.

It's like bloody Blackpool illuminations here!

You have come in from a long day and thought 'Oh God, I need a drink!"

Seein fings written lyk dis makes u die a lil bit inside.
URRRRGGGHHHH. I'll give you a minute to shake that one off.

You no longer have sugar in your tea.
I still have sugar in my tea (one please) and I cling to this to justify my existence as a non-adult.

And if all this isn't enough to catapult you into a quarter life crisis - remember this GROWN UP shows about GROWN UPS and their GROWN UP problems?


Well you're almost the same age as Rachel (24) when she stumbled into everyone's favourite coffee shop on that fateful day..



Sorry!